When Decepticons are Bored
by Starbee
Summary: It all started with a sunny day, a bored Skywarp, and everything going downhill from there.
1. Chapter 1

Ignoring the fact I should be working on my college fic, this all started when I asked my friend what a Decepticon would do when they're bored. And then this happened. I regret nothing, and everything can be blamed on a flying cassette player.

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

--

Normally, on sunny days like today, Skywarp was out destroying Autobots and following some diabolical plan Megatron cooked up to steal energy from the Earth. Normally, on days like today, Skywarp would be scaring humans and gloating in awe as they stared in wonder at his magnificent black and purple frame.

Normally, on days like today, Skywarp wouldn't be bored. Weather on Earth meant little to the Transformers, their storms too weak to cause any permanent damage to any of them. But apparently there was an exception to this bright, sunny, breezy day. Nothing had been planned, no schemes, no internal fight for a rise to power, and the Decepticons had taken this chance to do whatever it was they wanted.

Starscream, he was pretty sure, was plotting, Thundercracker was avoiding them both, and the other Decepticons couldn't keep up with him like his trine could.

Thus, Skywarp was bored. Oh, so bored.

The purple seeker had taken off, flying around and playing with the human planes in an effort to satiate the coming boredom from having to spend this lull in fighting alone. Unfortunately the planes began shooting back and Skywarp decided that maybe he would be better off landing somewhere and causing havoc on the ground.

And so was his plan as he landed in the middle of a park, ignoring the humans who scattered in fear from his massive frame as he stared at the miniscule man-made lake before him. Turning around he spotted a rather large structure of brightly coloured metal and plastic, and turning again he spotted wooden tables complete with chairs. The park was entirely deserted now of humans to torment, and the seeker sighed irritably, landing on his aft with a loud thump with his feet splayed out before him. Absently ripping out a chunk of earth he tossed it up and down in the air before throwing it away from him and looked up at the near cloudless sky.

"_Quack._"

Skywarp's head snapped down and he raised his weapon, his optics darting around to locate the source of the noise. "Quack?" He repeated.

"_Quack, quack._"

Skywarp raised an optic ridge and looked down, coming face-to-bill with a rather irritated looking earth creature. A brief scan revealed to the seeker that it was a duck, and that said duck was in a foul mood. The tiny creature pecked the seeker's foot irritably and let out another _quack _as it stared up at Skywarp, who lowered his weapon. Further research told him that humans fed these creatures for fun in places like this. Casting about he found a now-abandoned hot dog stand and stood up, ripping the stand open and capturing the buns in his hand. Further searching found him more buns and he settled back in his spot, ignoring the now inquisitive duck as his large fingers opened the package.

Ripping off a piece of the hot dog bun he tossed it into the water and the duck, now forgetting the seeker entirely, dove after the bread, paddling and chirping happily as it worked on the treat.

Leaning back he stared at the duck, wondering briefly why he was feeding an organic animal and deciding it didn't really matter anymore. Something to do was better than nothing, he decided. His thoughts were interrupted at another irritated peck on his foot and a squawk, and he smirked down at the duck that was flapping its wings rapidly on his foot. "Okay, okay." He tossed another piece and watched as the duck dove after it. He watched it eat and he tilted his head. "You know, you remind me of Starscream." The duck quacked, as if in agreement, and the purple seeker grinned, which only grew wider when he spotted three other ducks emerge from the reeds. Ripping off more bread he tossed it in and watched as they all fought for it, one hanging back coolly as it cleaned its wing.

"Okay you're totally Thundercracker." He concluded and the duck stared at him coolly, his beak opening to let out a quiet quack in the Starscream-duck's general direction. The Starscream-duck hissed back at Thundercracker-duck and went back to its food.

Skywarp focussed on the other two ducks and frowned at them. "Well, I can't think of any 'cons to name you. So how about…" He pointed at one with a white chest, and then the darkly coloured counterpart. The two seemed to get along well with each other, which probably contributed to why he couldn't think of any Decepticons to name them after. "Okay, white chest you're Annie, and darker one you're Belinda." Both quacked contentedly up at him before turning back to the bread.

Tossing more bread into the water when he felt another annoying peck at his foot he watched Starscream as it hissed with irritation at Thundercracker, who still seemed to lack any form of food from what Skywarp had tossed in. Glaring with irritation at the irritable duck Skywarp placed a piece of bread in the water, just by Thundercracker. The duck blinked up at Skywarp, who blinked back and watched as Thundercracker ripped tiny pieces off the bread.

So absorbed in his duck watching he didn't notice when two Autobots approached from behind, guns cautiously held in their hands. Bumblebee glanced sidelong at Wheeljack, who was staring in confusion at the purple seeker. Bumblebee shrugged and shot at the ground before him, watching as the purple seeker jumped to his feet and rounded about, his optics narrowed into slits. "You!" The decepticon shouted, pointing at the two Autobots angrily. In his other hand was a half-empty bag of hot dog buns and Bumblebee stared at them with confusion.

"Uh… Why do you have that?" He asked, and Wheeljack nodded. Rather than answer the question Skywarp placed his hands on his hips and scowled at the two Autobots.

"You scared away my ducks!" He shouted at the Autobots, and both lowered their weapons and staring at the Decepticon in confusion.

"Your… Ducks." Wheeljack repeated slowly, subspacing his weapon when Skywarp nodded rapidly.

"My ducks."

Bumblebee looked down at he feel of a peck on his yellow foot, his optics blinking in surprise when he saw a very irritated duck at his feet, hissing up at him and buffeting his foot with his wings. "I'm going to assume this is one of them."

Skywarp looked down and grinned at the duck, which took no notice and continued to buffet the offending foot with his wings. "Yeah, that's Starscream." Completely ignoring the surprised stares he watched as the duck alighted and flew into Bumblebee's face, bursting into laughter when the diminutive yellow Autobot yelped and darted behind Wheeljack, who was now doubled over in laughter. Looking up the engineer saw the duck make a strange dance on the ground and strutted back to stand beside Skywarp, who was gazing fondly at the duck, and let out another burst of laughter which abruptly stopped when Bumblebee lightly smacked him on the head.

Clearing his vocal processor, Wheeljack placed his hands on his hips and watched as Skywarp bent down to pet the duck fondly. "We'll… We'll let Prime know." His voice sounded choked and he transformed, darting away and leaving Bumblebee to catch up. The yellow Autobot scowled at the retreating engineer who sounded distinctly like he was laughing and shook his head. With one more glare at the duck, which shook its tail at him he followed his friend out.

Skywarp took his seat again and ripped out a rather large chunk of a hot dog bun for the duck, which took it and nestled against the seeker with a happy quack as it devoured its food. The other ducks emerged from the reads, Thundercracker first and then the others as they all nestled up to their new friend.

--

Elsewhere, the real Thundercracker frowned as he tracked Skywarp's signal, sighing with growing impatience as he landed a little ways away from where the purple seeker was sitting. At first glance Thundercracker thought that Skywarp had been attacked by some new Autobot weapon and was thus growing fluffy organic things on his body. At second glance, Thundercracker thought that maybe he needed his optics checked. Skywarp looked to be a perch for four organic creatures. Ducks. He was covered in ducks. The blue seeker's first instinct was just to fly away and to leave his trine mate there, covered in ducks.

But since Starscream would be unhappy about that and the thought of Skywarp being on his own for longer than what he had been now made Thundercracker stay. Slowly approaching the other seeker he cleared his vocal processer and watched as Skywarp turned, careful of the creatures on him. The purple seeker broke into a grin and slowly waved, ignoring the indignant squawk from a duck that was using his shoulder as a perch.

"Oh, hey TC!" He grinned. "Wanna meet my ducks?"

Thundercracker regretted not leaving and it showed on his face by the pained look. "Your ducks." He repeated, his hand slowly travelling up to massage the gap between his nose and optics when the other seeker nodded happily.

"Yeah! Just make sure you watch out for Starscream though." Thundercracker looked up, and when not finding any sign of their irritable air commander he looked back down at Skywarp and scowled.

"He's not here, Skywarp."

Skywarp made a noise in his throat and pointed at the duck currently positioned on his head. "No, this is Starscream. He's a little irritable though."

Thundercracker made a strangled noise in his throat and placed a hand over his mouth, taking a moment to register the fact that Skywarp had named the duck Starscream and to compose his laughter. "'Warp… That's a female."

Skywarp frowned up at the duck, which looked down at Skywarp and made a sleepy quacking noise. "Oh. Well, Screamer doesn't need to know." He decided and pointed at another duck, this one perched on his leg and leaning against the warmth of Skywarp's torso. "This is Thundercracker, and the one on my arm is Belinda, and the one on the grass is Annie."

Thundercracker hung his head, counting slowly to ten as he looked back up and stared at the duck that shared his name. "You named a duck after me."

Skywarp beamed up at him. "I did!"

Counting to ten again Thundercracker stared at Skywarp, who was still grinning happily. "We have to go now."

Skywarp nodded and stood up, waiting for the ducks to find better places on his frame before approaching Thundercracker, who shook his head. "Without the ducks." He almost felt bad when he saw Skywarp's face fall, and the purple seeker hung his head.

Thundercracker cursed himself silently, and then cursed Skywarp who looked so pitiful. All four of those organic creatures were staring at him now, and the one called Starscream was hissing angrily at Thundercracker. The other three chimed in and the blue seeker stepped back a moment. "Fine. But you take care of them, not me or any other bot." He growled angrily and took to the air, ignoring Skywarp's happy whooping noise as he took off with four ducks trailing behind him.

--

Skywarp sat by a lake, the hot dog cart falling out of his hands with a loud crash as he stared at the Starscream duck. Skywarp's face spread into a wide grin when the little duck shifted and he caught sight of three small eggs underneath. The Thundercracker duck was sitting nearby, his neck arched as he stood protectively over the nest. Setting out the bread with shaking hands he darted off, twisting in the air in some kind of crazy dance.

From the ground Thundercracker could only assume the worst, and the sudden need to turn into a groundhog and dig away before the purple seeker could find him was almost overwhelming. Unfortunately that would not be the case and the purple seeker landed beside him and began chattering at the irritated blue seeker.

Thundercracker almost tuned out. Almost. But the sentence 'Thundercracker and Starscream are having _babies" _did not sit well with him. Not at all. He stared at Skywarp's happy face and repeated the sentence, smacking his face into his palms at the rapid nod that confirmed what he heard.

He could only imagine what would happen when other members of the crew came to hear this, and he knew they would. It was no secret Skywarp was now harbouring four rather insane ducks in a nearby lake.

Maybe he would see about changing his alt mode into a ground hog…

--

Okay. Crack's done. Maybe a one shot, but I'm sure I'll think of something else dealing with these ducks. Maybe Star-duck can attack Bumblebee… _Or maybe the ducklings can. _Poor 'Bee, not only does he have Ravage now he has ducks out for him too.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay so after reading these reviews which made me giggle, I wrote another chapter. First things first though.

Meteor Prime: Before even looking at your review, I was talking to my friend (Who spawned this all and a fic for Starscream which is now attacking my head) we were like… Starscream can give birth to Megatron, Shockwave, and in retaliation for Thundercracker, Skywarp. So you got like two out of three right. XD I have also come to the conclusion that you are psychic. Huzzah! And I think Starscream would hate you about the same for both, but… a chicken. Definitely a chicken. Those things are _evil. _Or do you think he'd be less hateful because it's evil? Huh.

ANYWHO. Thank you all for the reviews because they made me happy in the head. :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

--

Thundercracker's optic twitched as he read through his report, doing his very best to ignore the purple seeker, Skywarp, across the room. The little slagger was singing a human song, something about ninety nine bottles of beer on a wall. Why humans would put alcohol on a wall was beyond the blue seeker, but nor did he care at the moment.

In fact, the only thing he cared about was that Skywarp stopped singing that stupid song. Tossing the report onto his berth he glared at the purple seeker, who, if he took notice, completely ignored him.

Actually, he probably did because he was singing even louder now. "Don't you have ducks to check on?" he snapped irritably, resisting the urge to throw the report at the fellow seeker. Skywarp kept on singing, his voice raising and lowering in pitch. Thundercracker could swear that Skywarp was even wriggling his aft in time to the horrendous music only he could hear. About to try attracting the insane seeker's attention once more, he was interrupted by the sound of the door to their room hissing open, an angry screech, and the sight of a human picnic table sailing across the room to hit Skywarp. Thundercracker stared, surprised at the door, ignoring the purple seeker's indignant shout.

Starscream was standing in the door, his mouth twisted into a snarl and his hands clasped tightly at his side. "Are you aware," he began, pointing a shaking hand at Skywarp, "That I can hear you from across the slagging base? Rumble and Frenzy are singing it and if you know what is good for you will leave before Soundwave comes." Starscream sent a deep whoosh of air through his vents and watched as Skywarp slunk from the room. Not even the crazy purple seeker wanted to stick around and wait for Soundwave to arrive.

After the purple seeker was a safe distance away Thundercracker turned to the air commander, who now looked entirely calm as he picked up the picnic table and after a cursory glance, tossed it outside and ignored the painful yowl coming from what appeared to be Ravage, who peeked into the room and glared at the two seekers before continuing on. "Is Soundwave really coming?" Thundercracker asked, his voice lowering in pitch in an attempt to hide it from the mechanical feline. Starscream smirked, picked up a data pad and examined its contents before flinging himself haphazardly onto his berth.

"No. But the two cassettes were singing it. And I _could _hear Skywarp…"

Thundercracker grinned wickedly and picked up his report, continuing to examine it and make changes as the peace and quiet set in from their trine mate's absence.

--

Skywarp thought he'd visit his ducks. It had been a while, almost a month, since he'd last been able to see them. This was in part to the fact that Starscream and Thundercracker ducks had eggs, and in part that after that one merciful day off, Megatron had come up with a whole mess of plans, none of which had succeeded so far but eventually one would.

Maybe.

Skywarp landed in the small clearing he had found for the ducks, yelping in surprise as four small duck bodies collided into his cockpit, each flapping their wings as they showed affection for the seeker. Tossing down some bread he had managed to grasp Skywarp watched as the birds retreated, the two parents retreating to their nest.

One of them, Thundercracker, peeked over the reeds and let out a quack to Skywarp. As the purple seeker approached he let out an uncharacteristic squealing noise at the sight of three ducklings, each flapping weak little wings as they stared up at him. One glared at him, his beak opening indignantly as he imitated his mother's form of attack: flapping his wings menacingly and hissing.

Skywarp plunked himself unceremoniously to the ground, leaning back as the small ducklings tottered their way out of their nest, staring at the large seeker cautiously. As they got closer, Skywarp noted that one of the ducklings, rather small in comparison to the others, was hanging back behind the apparent leader of the group. It was dark brown and as it came closer it seemed to be missing an eye.

Skywarp's face fell and he gently picked up the three ducklings, ignoring the indignant flap of their wings and the nipping the largest one was doing. Gently he examined the others for injuries and placed them back down by the nest, where Thundercracker and Starscream ducks gathered them up.

Skywarp was silent, his processor whirring as he though of names for the three new ducks. "Okay…" He pointed to the largest one, who glared back indignantly. "you're Megatron." Pointing to the one with the missing eye, it shuffled nervously and hid behind the newly named Megatron. "You're Shockwave." As his finger drifted to the last one, who quacked excitedly, fluttered a little, and proceeded to topple out of the nest and into the water, where he bobbed up and down in the water, quacking excitedly to its nest mates.

Skywarp's finger lowered. "I… Have no idea what to name you."

"What about Skywarp? It's rather fitting." Skywarp jumped to his feet and caught sight of Thundercracker, who stared at him coolly, his mouth turning upwards in a smirk.

Skywarp gestured to the goofy little duck, shaking his head rapidly. "Uh, no. He's clumsy! I'm definitely not."

Thundercracker folded his arms over his chest and tapped one massive foot as he stared at his trine mate. "Remember last month? When you warped too far and hit a wall?"

"Yeah…"

"And remember falling into the lake after tripping over a fallen tree?"

"Yeah…"

"And how about that time—" Thundercracker stopped, grinning when Skywarp rapidly shook his head and looked down at the clumsy little duck, who quacked happily.

"Fine fine, you've made your point. Skywarp it is." The purple seeker glared at his blue counterpart, who blatantly ignored the glare and looked up at the sky. Suddenly the mischievous seeker broke into a grin and hopped over to Thundercracker, who looked a little panicked at Skywarp's attempt at an innocent smile.

"Does this mean you gave birth to me?"

"No." Thundercracker sighed, slamming a hand to his head with a loud clang. Why did he even come? Seriously, he should have learned by now that Skywarp and his ducks always meant bad things. Thankfully Skywarp, the ever absentminded seeker was already on a different tangent, chattering about something to do with a walk and that he should come. Thundercracker nodded absentmindedly, not really listening until Skywarp grabbed his arm.

"What are you doing?" Thundercracker looked down at Skywarp, who merely hummed some nonsensical tune as he steered the blue seeker away from the clearing. "No, seriously, what are you doing?"

"We're going for a walk! You're coming and you can't say no 'cause you already agreed."

Thundercracker glared at the seeker, pulling his arm out of Skywarp's grasp. "Did I ever mention how much I hate you?"

"Yep. On several occasions, and sometimes twice in one day."

"You keep count?"

"Doesn't everybody?"

Thundercracker remained silent, only then noticing that there was a small train of ducks following him. Coming to a stop he stared down at them, and they stared back.

"Skywarp, why are they staring at me?"

Skywarp merely shrugged and kept walking, keeping up with his nonsensical humming. Thundecracker glared at the purple seeker's retreating back and looked back down at the ducks, who were staring at them expectantly. Hesitantly the blue seeker took a step forward, stopping to find that each of the ducks had taken another step as well.

Deciding the best way to deal with this was to ignore it, Thundercracker kept walking, soon catching up to Skywarp, who was staring at a small river. Thundercracker poked his trine mate's arm and looked down, his optics spotting numerous amounts of small white objects in the clear water.

"What're those?" Skywarp asked, shifting to accommodate the ducks that now swarmed around his legs. Thundercracker shrugged in way of an answer and looked up at the other side of the river. He could catch glimpses of humans, all lining up into a rather loose line, each with clubs and rather ugly clothing in pastel colours and strange pompom like things on their heads. They were all conversing amongst themselves, some leaning on their clubs and talking while others stretched, raising their clubs into the air in some sort of swing.

Losing interest in the humans Thundercracker looked at the purple seeker, who was bent over the water, totally absorbed in the strange white balls in the water. The seeker's aft was stuck straight up in the air, and without much thought to it Thundercracker lifted up his foot and casually booted the seeker in the aft.

Skywarp let out a high pitched screech that could rival even Starscream's as he toppled forward into the water. Thundercracker grinned broadly, making note to show Starscream his datatracks later on the matter.

And to upload multiple copies of the incident into the Decepticon's main computer mainframe.

And to keep a copy on file for future generations.

Thundercracker watched as Skywarp floundered in the water, which wasn't really all that deep. The humans had panicked at the high pitched noise and began launching balls in their general direction.

Thundercracker kicked his thrusters into gear and rose into the air, leaving the purple seeker to be pelted by golf balls and crawled all over by ducks.

--

Skywarp glared at the humans, who were still launching multiple balls in their direction. The seeker rose out of the water and pointed angrily at the humans. "From now on, you badly dressed excuse of humans, I will declare war!" It sounded rather silly, even to Skywarp's twisted mind, but he was far beyond caring. He was wet and he could swear there was a fish in his cockpit.

Scooping up his ducks he stomped out of the water and stomped down the path, grumbling under his breath as he returned the ducks back to their pond and flew off, revenge solely on his mind.

--

Thundercracker looked up from the data pad of the day's incident he had copied for Starscream, who had walked off laughing hysterically once he had seen it. Standing the door, sopping wet and glaring at the blue seeker was Skywarp.

A weed of some sort was hanging from Skywarp's head, creating a twisted sort of wig. Thundercracker smirked at the mud currently taking residence on Skywarp's front and back, and the small fish swimming in his cockpit.

"You have a fish in your cockpit." He noted, ignoring the furthering glare from the purple seeker. In response, the seeker opened his cockpit and waited for the water to drain, the little fish flopping about on the floor as it desperately wanted for air. Skywarp picked up the fish and placed it unceremoniously into a rather large tank filled with rocks. Pointing at the fish the seeker opened his mouth, looking rather surprised himself as a dead fish slid out and onto the floor.

Deciding it would be safer to ignore it for the time being Thundercracker focussed on the living fish, tapping his left foot on the metal floor. "Another pet?"

"See this? This is Thundercracker _point two._" Skywarp snarled as he pointed at the now content fish, and picked up the dead one and flung it at Thundercracker before squishing out of the room, sliding on the muck on his feet as he left.

Thundercracker watched him leave, watched the fish that seemed to now be watching him, and turned back to his data pad.

--

FISH.

I… I don't even know.


	3. Chapter 3

OKAY. More crack. Is it a bad thing that I sometimes cackle? You can thank Optimegwing for this, by the way. I'm probably gonna update whenever there's an idea about dramatically. And this one… Just amused me. Frequently. With a spoon.

Meteor Prime: PSYCHICLAUGHTERYAY. And suddenly I'm glad that I live in an area that lacks chickens. Especially Starscream chickens. Starscream's other emotion could be… Uhh… Huh. I'll get back to you on that. I would say ego but I don't think that's an emotion. Superior, maybe? Nah. I DON'T KNOWW.

--

To reflect, Megatron wasn't sure how he got involved in this rather disturbing event. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure why he was standing off to the side in robot-sized white robes.

How had Skywarp even _obtained _those, anyway?

Actually, he didn't want to know. He wanted to last at least another breem without a processor ache, which he knew wouldn't be the case. As Starscream and Thundercracker passed, eaching in identical robot-sized formal wear, he glared until they walked off, both wearing smug smiles on their faces which Megatron just _wished _he could wipe off with his arm cannon.

Oh wait, Skywarp had confiscated it. How, he couldn't be sure. Wasn't he the leader? The supreme ruthlessness of the Decepticons?

Apparently the purple seeker had effectively wiped that from his processor.

Grumbling under his breath Megatron swept the voluminous sleeves as far up his arms as they could go, cursing at the white fabric when it merely moved down his arms again. Giving up with the sleeves after several more attempts he sighed irritably and settled back, waiting for the event to begin so he could get it done and over with and back to being the ruthless leader he was.

--

Optimus Prime stared at the words on his screen, shuttered his optics, then stared at the words again just for confirmation. Behind him Ironhide was silently mouthing the words, his optics widening at the wording. Prowl had his head in his hands, undoubtedly dealing with the short-circuiting his CPU was doing.

_To the Autobots_

_We invite you, on Sunday, May 31_

_For the wedding of Starscream and Thundercracker._

"Should we… Go?" Jazz ventured, looking completely confused and more than a little disturbed.

Optimus Prime closed the message, still not quite sure what to say. Instead he resolved to merely forget that message, like it had never existed. He'd have liked to delete it from his memory files too, but Ratchet wouldn't be so happy about that.

Something blipped on Teletraan's screen, and the tinny, neutral masculine voice sounded over the intercom in the room. "Incomining message from: Designation Skywarp."

Every Autobot in the room turned to look at the screen, some completely forgetting the importance of refuelling to observe the oddity that was the Decepticon Skywarp.

The purple seeker's gleeful face filled the screen and he waved excitedly. Before either could stop themselves, Bumblebee and Jazz each waved their hand, the latter stopping when the mildly sparking Prowl glared at the saboteur. Bumblebee followed suit, deciding that he really didn't want to spend any amount of time cleaning.

Besides, the Lamborghini twins were getting _really _good at cleaning with Autobot-sized toothbrushes, and the small spy didn't want them to lose practice. As if sensing that line of thought Sunstreaker, who had been standing off to the side with his brother and acted entirely uninterested in both the wedding invitation and the purple seeker, glared at the little yellow Autobot.

"Skywarp… What a surprise." Optimus really wasn't sure what to say in that situation. Weddings on Cybertron were a rarity, since bonding with another mech or femme was considered more of a private matter, taking place between two Transformers without the knowledge of many, if any, others. From the Autobot leader's understanding, weddings were more of a human thing, made public and often with large amounts of people.

"Well hi Optimus! And how are you on this fine…" the seeker paused and craned his head outside, and the Autobot leader just _knew _that the Decepticon was checking the weather. "Summer, slightly breezy with a few clouds day."

"Uh… Good." Okay, the red and blue truck was just confused now. If any of the Decepticons were going to call, it was usually Megatron, and it was _never _to exchange humanoid pleasantries about clouds. Speaking of which…

"Where is Megatron anyway?" Someone asked behind the leader, and Skywarp let out a giggle.

"Oh, he's trying on his pastor's robe so he can't come to the video feed." Skywarp sounded entirely too happy. When Skywarp was happy, nothing good usually came of it. This was something all Autobots took to heart when they dealt with the purple seeker.

Optimus was silent for a moment longer, his CPU registering this new piece of information. "Is there a reason why you called?" The Autobots were dead silent now, and even Bluestreak had his mouth shut for once.

"Well, I was just wondering if you got our invitation! I mean, it's a really special occasion. Starscream and Thundercracker are getting married!" It sounded worse when the seeker said it.

Massaging the bridge of his noise Optimus blew air out of his vents in a sigh. "May I ask why?" He wasn't sure if he wanted the answer, but if he wanted to break his CPU like Prowl was undoubtedly doing to his own trying to process this information, he may as well go full out.

"Well, they had babies and Rumble and Frenzy told me that they weren't actually considered to be a family 'cause they weren't married." The seeker paused, his face the picture of horror and he dropped his voice, leaning forward into the video. "Could you imagine? Insecurity for the children of my Starscream and Thundercracker? That just won't do!"

Behind Optimus he heard a strange _fzzt _noise, a groan, and the sound of an Autobot collapsing to the ground. Without even turning Optimus knew exactly who it was, and he felt himself envying Prowl's inability to deal with anything illogical. "So you're having a wedding." At the seeker's rapid nod and oddly creepy smile Optimus nodded slowly.

"So will you come?"

To be honest Optimus just wanted to feign sickness or that everyone in the Autobot base had mysteriously come down with an illness. Or that there was an infestation in their base. Of butterflies. Or supervillains. Or _butterfly supervillains accompanied with leech supervillains._ But when it came down to it, the leader just couldn't lie, even to a Decepticon that wouldn't think twice to lie to them. "We will."

At this some of the Autobots murmured under their breath, something about traps and whatnot and he could hear what could only be Prowl falling to the ground again, which meant that he had gotten up at some point during that exchange of words. Bidding goodbye to the seeker Prime turned around, stepping over the collapsed form of Prowl and merely shrugging when he was unable to think of a better explanation for his assembled crew other than 'he asked politely.'

"Uhh, Prime?" Jazz stepped forward, he too stepping over the tactician's crumpled body, which seemed to mutter something about not stepping over him.

"Yes Jazz?"

"Today's the thirty first of May." The saboteur pointed out, stepping back over the tactician's body and letting out a yelp when Prowl's hand closed around his foot, and the tactician's head rose from the floor to stare at Jazz with venom in his eyes.

Now, Optimus Prime was a bot with principles. He didn't mind Autobots swearing; it happened, especially in times of great stress or what would be considered an emotional rollercoaster. Heck, Ratchet was quite good at swearing under times of stress, and in fact made it almost a tradition. This didn't mean though that Optimus Prime swore himself; he considered it a little rude, and he didn't quite think that swearing in front of his troops as a leader was a good thing.

Thus when he let out a small string of swearwords and covered his face with both his hands, everyone couldn't help but stare and Jazz broke into a large grin as he leaned forward – in the process getting his foot out of Prowl's grip – and clapped the Autobot leader on the shoulder. "Well done, Optimus."

--

Skywarp leaned away from the computer terminal, looking down at Annie with a large smile. "We have more guests, Annie! Isn't that exciting?" The duck quacked up at him and he nodded, as if agreeing with the feathery creature. "You're right; we _do _need to get ready!" And with that he flounced off, leaving the duck to follow.

--

Optimus stood in front of the designated meeting spot, which had been given to him after he called Skywarp back when he realized he had no idea where this wedding was supposed to take place.

The clearing was rather nice, a little small for the assembled Decepticons and Autobots, both of which were glaring at each other. Somewhere Blaster and Soundwave were arguing about the music needed for the Reception, but the Autobot leader couldn't bring himself to look for his wayward communications officer.

Instead he settled himself in between Jazz and Prowl, who had his head in his hands as he still tried to cope with the entire illogical situation. On the other side of Prowl was Ratchet, who was doing his very best to both tend to Prowl and to ignore the Lamborghini twins as they twisted what looked to be giant pieces of construction paper into flowers.

Optimus didn't want to know.

--

Rumble and Frenzy stood in the very back, both glowering angrily as they tugged at their costumes. Soundwave broke off from his argument (If blasting snippets of music styles at each other could be called that) to stare at his two cassettes.

"Rumble and Frenzy, do not damage your costumes."

Rumble looked up at Soundwave, spreading his arms out with frustration. "easy for you to say boss, you ain't in a freaking dress!"

Frenzy snickered, pulling back to hide behind Soundwave's leg before Rumble could swing at him. "But bro, it just looks so pretty on you." Pausing he waited for Rumble's undivided, homicidal attention. "Besides, the light pink just brings out your optics."

Rumble narrowed his eyes, his hands clenching into fists. "I hate you." Frenzy beamed at him and ran a hand down his black suit. "I _really _hate you." Rumble clarified.

"I love you too."

Skywarp flounced into the room, his hands on his hips as he stared at the two cassettes before breaking into a wide grin. "Don't you two just look precious?" He squealed, bending down to thrust a basket with construction paper flowers into Rumble's hands and a pillow with rings in Frenzy's.

Rumble looked pleadingly up at Soundwave, who looked back down impassively and with very little sympathy for his cassette. "Boss, ain't there anything you can do?" the cassette pleaded.

"Negative; had you not mentioned to Skywarp that they were not really a family, none of this would have happened."

Rumble gaped up at his creator, depositing the basket of flowers onto the ground only to have it thrust back into his hands by a tutting Skywarp. "It wasn't _just _me! 'Sides, why do I have to wear the dress?"

Skywarp tugged at the garment in question. "Well, it does bring out your eyes."

Rumble hung his head as he took his place at the beginning of the line.

--

Happy wedding! Poor Autobots.


	4. Chapter 4

Whee~ Wedding! For the record I really don't like weddings. :x Thanks for the reviews! I also realized that Skywarp did a lot of flouncing last chapter. LET US FOLLOW HIS CUE AND FLOUNCE DRAMATICALLY.

Anonymous: If anyone did fanart for this I would be ridiculously happy for, like, ever. EVER.

Meteor Prime: Skywarp took too long to send them out. ; ; He's a procrastinator to the EXTREME. He makes a sport out of it. And cookies is the best emotion EVER. "How're you Starscream?" 'Cookies.' I'm going to use that next time.

Alabaster-demon: I think the humans have learned by now that anything involving Skywarp is bad and should thus be avoided for sanity's sake. Not to mention these ducks would probably attack them for harming their giant purple duck with words. :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, nor do I own Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Or Tinker Bell.

--

Astrotrain shifted uncomfortably in his chair beside Blitzwing, ignoring the look his fellow triple changer was sending his way. "When is this gonna start?" Astrotrain whined, flexing his feet before him in an effort to warm the circuits that had been left unused for at _least _an hour.

Blitzwing didn't bother to answer and instead watched the Autobot's two notorious Lamborghini twins as they finished their construction paper flowers and proceeded to pelt their medic with them, who retaliated with a rather stunning wrench throw that hit the red one in the head.

"_Quack."_

Everything went silent when a duck, dressed in some odd looking tuxedo waddled up to the front of the aisle, where the pastor's podium (Made twice its size for Megatron) stood. Behind the duck stood Thundercracker, looking uncomfortable in a seeker-specified suit.

As music began to play, both assembled Autobots and Decepticons watched in a mixture of awe and confusion as Megatron walked stiffly down the aisle, his face thunderous as he took his place behind the podium. Followed behind him was Rumble, looking thoroughly embarrassed and murderous as he flicked flowers around, taking care to whip one at the shaking form of Sideswipe. Frenzy followed, looking entirely smug as he held the rings before him, taking care not to rip Rumble's dress.

Looking positively murderous was Starscream, in a bright pink suit that matched Thundercracker's. At the blue seeker's surprised look Starscream opened a private channel as he took his place at the opposite side of Thundercracker.

"_What happened to your dress?" _The blue seeker commed, watching as Starscream's face contorted in anger.

"_It mysteriously burst into flames. And fell off a cliff._"

As Optimus watched the proceedings, he blinked in confusion and stroked just under his mask thoughtfully. If Starscream and Thundercracker were to be the ones to get married, wouldn't Starscream be the last one down the aisle? And from the looks of things, Skywarp was still at the back, waiting for his cue to walk down the makeshift aisle.

But the invitations said the two seekers would be wed. Optimus was thoroughly confused now, and as his gaze landed on the duck standing in front of Thundercracker, he resisted the urge to hit himself in the head. From all the malfunctioning Prowl was doing beside him, Optimus could tell the tactician had come to the same suspicion as he.

His suspicions were confirmed when Skywarp walked slowly down the aisle to the music, taking care not to step to close to the glowering (Was that even possible for a duck?) duck in a pink dress.

As the duck came to stand beside the other duck, Megatron cleared his vocal processor and began to read from the datapad in front of him. "We are gathered here today…" He began, all the while thinking about how he got roped into this, and wishing he could save what little dignity he had left.

Of course, whenever Skywarp was involved, that was never the case. Starscream and Thundercracker could personally testify to that.

As the Decepticon leader droned on and on the sermon the humans used for this event (And really, who would want to get married after sitting through such a long, boring sermon) he could feel more and more of his dignity slipping away. All the while Skywarp was grinning from the side, his optics blurred with energon tears while he stared at his ducks fondly.

After this, Megatron resolved, he would have a personal talk with Rumble and Frenzy. Preferably with them hung upside down with Ratbat tickling their feet.

"Is there any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony today?" Megatron looked up, his eyes flashing angrily as he spoke, just daring anyone to object. Because if they did, he would have to deal with whole other mess of slagging problems.

Megatron didn't want that, not at all.

Unfortunately Prowl, whose head had been down the majority of the wedding, didn't seem to catch the glare like everybody else did. Lurching to his feet, his head twitching slightly as sparks flew. Ratchet tried desperately to pull the tactician back down, but to no avail.

"They are ducks. It is illogical to be holding a wedding for them!" Skywarp gasped and his hand flew to his spark chamber, looking as if he'd been slapped.

"But, but why not?" He whimpered, the purple seeker looking down at his ducks with a fresh set of tears in his optics.

Prowl inhaled air, blowing it out of his vents as he worked to cool his malfunctioning frame. "They are ducks; they do not hold weddings in the wild. They mate for life, yes, but they do not hold any ceremony other than to attract a mate!" At every word Prowl spoke, Skywarp deflated even more until he was reduced to a bawling Decepticon up at the front of the aisle. Megatron was glaring at the tactician, his hands balled into fists as he worked not to smash the podium.

Thundercrcker and Skywarp were both comforting their trine mate, and even though it made them look slightly ridiculous (Especially since the air commander was in a bright pink suit) they glared at the Tactician, who hardly wilted.

Jazz looked up at his friend and oftentimes source of amusement (Well, to him anyway), his mouth drawn into a thin, disapproving line. "Yo man, that's not cool." Gently pulling the glitching mechanoid back down to his seat, he looked over at Skywarp, who had stopped crying and began to make strange hiccupping noises in his throat.

"Go apologize." Jazz ordered his friend, who stared at him in surprise.

"What?" The Tactician croaked.

"Go apologize. What the ducks have is special! And adorable! Don't go making it a sad day." Jazz patted his friend's shoulder, his optics glittering wickedly behind the visor. "In fact, I think you should hug him too."

"… What?" Prowl muttered, wincing as Jazz opened a private comm. Link between the two.

"_If you don't, I'll have to tell the twins you cry when you watch that Extreme Makeover show._"

Prowl glared angrily at Jazz, who beamed happily at him. "_I hate you."_

And with that Prowl squeezed his way through the aisle, walked stiffly up to Skywarp who stared sullenly at him. Prowl looked rather annoyed himself, and he cleared his vocal processor softly. "I am sorry for my behaviour. I did not mean to insult you." And with one last vicious, I-Am-Going-To-Slagging-Get-You-Back glare at Jazz, he enveloped Skywarp in a hug.

With wicked grins at each other Sideswipe and Sunstreaker each rose their voices and let out a small _aww _noise, which was soon picked up from both sides of the wedding. Pulling back Prowl made his way back to his seat, where he hunched low and refused to look at Jazz.

After a moment of silence Megatron ground his dental plates and banged the podium as loud as he could, in the process making the thing crack under the pressure. Ignoring the now large split down the middle he continued. "I see no reason for these to not to be wed. They may… Uhh…"

Megatron looked down at the ducks. The version of the vows were made for humans, not ducks and thus produced some obstacles when they had to repeat the tedious 'in sickness and in health' thing, and now this. "Peck… Each other. Gently." Shrugging Megatron turned the datapad off and stepped away from the podium, wincing at the sound of more awes as the ducks nestled each other gently.

Skywarp clapped gleefully, the entire incident with Prowl apparently forgotten as the wedding party made their way back down the aisle to the sound of more music.

As the wedding guests filed out Optimus found himself wishing Teletraan had never notified him of this wedding.

--

"When I found out my wonderful Starscream and Thundercracker were going to get married, I just knew it was going to be a wonderful wedding with wonderful guests!" Skywarp chirped as he held up his glass of Energon to the audience, who watched with a mixture of horror and amusement. "I'm sure they'll have wonderful children and be wonderful parents!"

Thundercracker groaned into his glass of energon, ignoring the amused look some Autobot was sending his way. No matter how many times Skywarp said it, and no matter how many times he _reminded _Skywarp not to, the purple seeker just couldn't seem to fathom how awkward it was to hear his name and his air commander's name in that type of his sentence.

Sideswipe looked confused, leaning over the increasingly annoyed Ratchet to tap his brother on the shoulder. The yellow Lamborghini turned his head for a better look at his brother, swirling his glass of Energon slowly in the process. "Don't they already have kids?" Sideswipe asked, earning himself a wrench to the head. The red Lamborghini yelped as Ratchet yanked his head down, his mouth hissing close to Sideswipe's ear.

"Don't say anything. Don't even bother. You'll raise more questions and then we'll be here longer and I want to go _home_." The medic hissed. "You know we left the Dinobots home alone? You know how slaggin' messed up that place is going to be?" He stopped, letting Sideswipe's head rise as the medic folded his arms irritably across his chest. "If there's a mess, you're cleaning it." He snapped, ignoring the frustrated whines from both twins.

Elsewhere Optimus Prime stood beside Megatron in a rare moment of peace, both sipping from their energon slowly. Prime found this especially hard with his mask, but he worked around it.

As the two leaders observed the mingling crowd Prime couldn't help but notice the absence of the Decepticon's two cassette twins. "Where are Rumble and Frenzy?" He asked the leader, placing his Energon on the large table behind him. Megatron shrugged, looking entirely poker faced as he downed his Energon and held the empty container in his hand.

"Ratbat was playing with them. I assume they're just off somewhere." Megatron watched as the three baby ducklings, one of which he learned was named after him, and Ravage, chased a close to panicking Bumblebee, who was screaming something about why Ravage always went after him and to stop teaching the ducklings to do it too.

Optimus chuckled as the small Autobot spy took cover behind Ironhide, who looked down in confusion at the diminutive Autobot and the three ducklings who had landed on a chair and were watching the yellow Autobot closely, each cheeping to each other quietly, as if planning their next move.

--

As the party wound down and Decepticons and Autobots alike dispersed for the evening to recharge, Skywarp collected his ducks and took them to Astrotrain, who stared at the collection of feathery things with a mixture of confusion and disdain. Megatron stood behind Skywarp, his optics narrowed dangerously at the purple triple changer. "It is time for their honey moon. You will take them for their honeymoon." Megatron ordered the train slash space shuttle, who stared at the ducks with an open mouth.

"But Megatron! They have wings! They can fly themselves." Megatron eyed the triple changer, his lips turning to a smirk as he rounded around to a tottering Blitzwing, who waved at the leader happily.

"Fine then Astrotrain, you're out of the Decepticons. Blitzwing, ferry. Now." Ignoring the indignant squeak of Astrotrain Megatron stalked off in search of more Energon.

Sighing in resignation Astrotrain transformed, opening his side door to let Skywarp pile the duck family in, sliding the door shut as he bid goodbye to the ducks tearfully. Snorting angrily Astrotrain flew off, taking care to keep his feathery cargo happy.

Skywarp sniffed, wiping away a tear as he bid goodbye to the ducks and stood beside Thundercracker, who stared at his trine mate. "They grow up so fast, don't they?" Skywarp sobbed, and with an irritated growl Thundercracker pushed the purple seeker off the cliff, turning around to meet the wordless, open mouthed stares (Minus Prime, of course) from Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and Bluestreak.

The blue seeker shrugged. "He can fly, I mean he is a jet." He explained, watching as one by one the mouths shut. The seeker groaned at the mad giggle he heard behind him and he turned hesitantly to see Skywarp.

The purple jet flew in a tight circle, chanting 'He can fly, he can fly!' over and over before eventually landing in front of the blue seeker. "I'm like Tinker Bell!" He grinned.

Optimus traded looks with his troops, slowly turning away. "Nothing happened." He decided, and nodding in agreement Bumblebee and Bluestreak followed their leader out of the party.

--

"Ahaha noooo! Make it stooooop!" Rumble howled as he bucked in midair, trying his very best to get his feet loose of the rope that Megatron had tied around him and Frenzy. His twin was laughing as well, writhing as a very happy looking Ratbat flew from foot to foot, cheeping softly as he tickled the cassette's feet.

Oh yes, Ratbat was enjoying himself. It didn't matter the party was over and everyone was gone, oh no. He would keep going as long as he wanted, the little bat cassette giggled to himself as he swooped in for another bout of tickling.

--

Okie dokie. Never again, I swear. Poor Astrotrain. Poor Prowl. Guess he learned his lesson~ THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. WOO.


	5. Chapter 5

FINALLY.

LET THERE BE… A chapter. On a completely different note I cut my hair and it's exciting and thus important to tell EVERYONE. :D

Meteor Prime: Maybe yellow is Ravage's favourite colour. Could you imagine the lambo twins in dresses? Hm..

Thanks for the reviews~

Disclaimer: Do not own Transformers.

--

Skywarp paced the floor of his room anxiously, his hand over his chin. Checking his internal chronometer he groaned under his breath and continued his pacing, his optics darting from the fish to its namesake as the purple seeker thought.

Thundercracker looked up from his position on his recharge berth, glowering at his purple counterpart. "Can't you do that in your own room?"

Skywarp stopped his pacing and looked pleadingly at Thundercracker. "But it's my ducks! They come back soon and I have nothing special prepared for them! If you leave me alone," He dropped his voice to a stage whisper. "I might do something drastic! Like paint the halls pink or give Ravage a bow!" He looked scandalized. "You wouldn't want something like that to happen, would you?"

Thundercracker snorted at the image of the foul tempered cassette in bows and shuttered his optics, turning his head away from the other Decepticon. "Oh by all means, go right ahead." He was silent for a moment, then continued. "Or you know, you could do a play for them, I'm sure they'd like that." At the sudden gasp Thundercracker shot out of his berth and stared at the other seeker, who was grinning madly. "You know I didn't mean that right?"

Skywarp flew towards Thundercracker and enveloped him in a hug. "Oh but you did! Thank you Thundy, thank you!" And with that the purple seeker skipped from the room, leaving a horrified Thundercracker behind.

"Thundy…?" The blue seeker muttered, and then placed his head in his hands. "Oh slag, I regret everything."

--

News of the play spread quickly through the Decepticon base. Each Decepticon dealt with this differently, but none as prominent as Megatron, who immediately set himself to the task of creating a plan to attack the Autobots in an effort for them all to escape the horror that was wearing a Decepticon sized tutu.

Megatron stared at his drawing board, rubbing his face wearily as he scratched out yet another plan from the board. He paid little attention as Starscream stomped into the room, the seeker dropping himself into a chair and rubbing his face wearily.

"Thought of anything?" The seeker asked, leaning back when Megatron fixed him with a glare.

"No. No I have not. And may I just mention that it would be a whole lot easier just to attack them?"

Starscream stared at his leader, his mouth slacking open at the thought. "Yes. Yes you may mention it. I say we do it."

Megatron jumped from his chair, stalking from the room as fast as he could, shouting for his Decepticons to assemble. With a slow shake of his head Starscream stood up and followed his leader, pausing briefly as he thought of another, entirely different plan. Opening a private comm. Link he began to speak to Thundercracker, turning down an opposite corridor of his leader.

--

"_Are you sure he'll do it?"_

"_Well, we _are _Decepticons and we are, you know, Decepticoning… Him."_

"_Decepticoning him?"_

"_Shut up."_

"_You have been spending way too much time with Skywarp. I suggest you stop it."_

"_Yeah well, when he latches on to you on a regular basis that's what happens."_

"_Get a hobby."_

"_Uh, I'm pretty sure my hobby is to keep Skywarp occupied, Starscream."_

Rather than continuing his conversation with Thundercracker, Starscream focused on the Autobots in assembled outside of the base in a small group. _"Okay, well he's a gunner… So he should be…" _Trailing off Starscream scanned the Autobots, looking for that one Autobot.

"_Found him." _Thundercracker commed and transformed, his sleek jet form taking into the air and made a beeline for the Autobot they wanted.

Starscream smirked as he watched Thundercracker dive down and snatch up the gunner Autobot, Bluestreak, and carry him off, disregarding the other Autobots. Kicking off the ground Starscream followed his teammate into the air, ignoring the indignant shouts as they ducked behind a rather large rock.

The two seekers smirked down at the frightened little Datsun, who clung to his gun nervously as he stared up at the two much larger seekers.

"Sorry about this," Thundercracker began, only to be interrupted by a snickering Starscream.

"Well, not really." Starscream met Thundercracker's glare with one of his own, but stepped back to let the blue seeker talk.

"We're just going to borrow you for a bit." Thundercracker continued, proceeding to hit the gunner on the side of his head. Bluestreak's body crumpled to the ground, and his optics flickered offline. Picking up the body Thundercracker listened to the sounds of the Autobots' engines as they raced towards the seekers. "We should go." He noted and kicked off into the air.

Starscream followed, keeping watch as he tailed his team mate in the air. "Wait, where's Skywarp?" He asked Thundercracker's retreating back.

The blue seeker stopped, adjusting the weight of Bluestreak into a more comfortable position before answering. "Making costumes for the play, I think. I learn not to question these things when he talks."

"Good plan."

--

Bluestreak groaned as his optics onlined and he stared around the dark purple room. His face was the picture of confusion as he tried to move his limbs, but discovered they had been tied back by some sort of cable.

Off in the corner he could see the outlines of his two kidnappers arguing with two smaller 'bots.

"Why do we have to distract him?" Rumble's voice sounded whiney and the Decepticon stomped his foot.

"Because he put you in a dress, you're practically best friends." Thundercracker reasoned, ignoring the snickers coming from both Frenzy and Starscream.

Rumble looked shocked, his hands splayed out before him as if warding away Thundercracker. "Why did you bring _that _up? And how are we best friends?"

"I don't know; how does a Decepticon take home ducks and somehow create a series of events that continue to remain illogical?"

"Fine. But you owe me some slagging high grade outta this or I will get revenge." Rumble stomped out of the room followed by Frenzy, who continued to snicker.

Starscream and Thundercracker then turned to their captive, who plastered a small smile on his face. "Hello! Your tying technique is very impressive." The two seekers stared at each other with confusion.

"Well… Thank you, I think." Starscream muttered, making a small noise in his throat before continuing. "Do you know why you're here?" He asked, leaning against the wall opposite the seeker.

"Well, from my understanding it was Thundercracker who knocked me out after you kidnapped me from my friends." He looked up at Thundercracker, who folded his arms across his chest. "That was a good grab by the way; I don't think _any _of us were expecting that."

Thundercracker cocked his head to one side and looked away, not quite sure how to take the captive Autobot who was also giving them compliments.

Starscream shook his head and continued to talk. "Well, Bluestreak," He stopped and leaned forward. "It… Is you right?"

Bluestreak nodded. "Oh yes, I'm Bluestreak, you captured the right Autobot."

"Oh good. It's just so hard to tell you from those other two sometimes we just get confused."

"I can see why, me Prowl and Smokescreen all look quite a bit alike." Bluestreak thought for a moment. "Actually, maybe not Smokescreen. I mean we have the same alt mode and all but he is a really bright colour, so he'd be hard to mistake us."

Starscream nodded slowly and traded glances with Thundercracker, who began to speak. "Well Bluestreak, the reason why we kidnapped you is because we need you to shoot us." At Bluestreak's shocked look Thundercracker nodded. "Preferably somewhere that won't offline us, but something that'll render us out of commission for repairs for a long period of time."

Bluestreak nodded slowly, squirming in tied position on a chair before looking back up at the Decepticons. "May I ask why you didn't just get shot in that fight we had earlier today?"

Starscream opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. Wincing at Thundercracker's glare he let out a small sigh. "Uh… It fell."

"What fell?"

"The door fell."

"Sure it wasn't your processor Starscream?" Thundercracker remarked dryly, ducking to avoid a chair.

"So? It's for the greater good and all that." Starscream asked again, gripping another chair in his hands.

"Why do you want to get shot anyway?" Bluestreak asked, eyeing both Decepticons with suspicion.

"Well you see, the ducks are going to be home soon and _someone_," Thundercracker squirmed sheepishly and ignored Starscream's glare as the Air commander continued. "Someone decided it would be a good idea to tell Skywarp to put on a play."

"Which play?"

Starscream lowered his head. "Sleeping… Sleeping Beauty. I'm Beauty and he's the prince. Hence the whole 'really needing to get shot' thing."

Bluestreak sounded strangled as he spoke again. "Uh, don't get me wrong and all because I'd love to shoot you and all, but my gun's broken. It broke in the fight and I haven't had the chance to fix it."

Starscream and Thundercracker looked crestfallen. "Okay," Starscream sighed and reached back to untie Bluestreak, who stood up with a happy sigh. "I guess you can go then." Snatching up a card from somewhere, Bluestreak couldn't quite see, he thrust it into Bluestreak's hand. "Here's an invitation, and if, you know, you decide you want to aim at us next time we fight we wouldn't mind."

Bluestreak nodded slowly and walked out of the room, only to peek his head out the door. "Uh, where's the exit."

"Oh, down the hall, turn left and go straight. You can't miss it."

"Okay, thank you!" And with that the Datsun left the two seekers in the room.

As Bluestreak passed down the hallway he peeked into a room, finding Megatron poring over some plan or another. Pausing Bluestreak tilted his head, then broke into a smile.

"Hi Megatron!" The Decepticon's leader didn't even acknowledge the Autobot's presence, and shrugging the Autobot continued on.

"Oh no I forgot my gun!" Bluestreak sighed to himself and turned back, only to come face to face with Thundercracker, who wordlessly handed him the broken gun and turned away. "Uh… Thank you! I hope someone will be able to shoot you." He said to Thundercracker's retreating back and went outside.

As Bluestreak stepped onto land he looked around and opened up a comm. Link with the Autobot base, transmitting his coordinates to what sounded like a very relieved Bumblebee. Transforming, Bluestreak was about to drive off only to be hit by a large purple-grey spaceship.

Transforming Bluestreak stood up, swaying on his feet and stared around, shaking his head in an effort to stabilize his processor. Thundercracker and Starscream ran out of the base, followed by a very excited looking Skywarp and a less than excited Megatron.

Bluestreak fell backwards, only to be caught by Starscream and Thundercracker, who each took the Datsun by an arm and flew him back to the direction of the base.

Astrotrain waited until the ducks had been unloaded and then turned in confusion to Megatron. "Did I just hit an Autobot? What was an Autobot doing outside the base?" He asked, only to receive a shrug from the leader.

"Your guess is as good as mine. Honestly though, I'm not sure I want to know." Megatron answered as he watched Skywarp be reunited with his ducks.

Megatron needed some Energon.

--

Kay. Due South may possibly have been some influence with Bluestreak.

Actually, not possibly, definitely.


	6. Chapter 6

Huahaha~ I RETURN WITH ANOTHER CHAPTERRR.

Cadence Barrick: I'm on air and lack of sleep coupled with the influence of Optimegwing. :D

Meteor Prime: If I had a scanner I would do that. Actually~ I CAN HARASS MY FRIEND. Sunstreaker would hate it because the pink clashes with his yellow. Sideswipe would totally go on with it. I just chose Starscream as Sleeping Beauty because he's my favourite Seeker. I mean… Nothing. At all. Nothing happened. Ever watch Due South? There was a character in there named Turnbull, he kinda reminds me of Blue. But Canadian and a mountie. ; I should watch that show again. Do the idea. Do iiiit. :3

Thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

--

Bluestreak lay nestled at the feet of Optimus Prime, his thumb pressed into his mouth and the small gunner sighed happily. The Autobot leader watched the small gunner, choosing not to point out the childish way he slept but instead looked back up at the two seekers who had delivered him.

Thundercracker and Starscream both stood, facing the guns of Prowl and Jazz. Both seeker's hands were raised into the air, and both looked rather cool despite their being held at gunpoint.

"Care to explain why you kidnapped our gunner and returned him in a rather battered state?" Optimus asked, casually taking out his own gun and holding it at his side.

The two seekers traded looks, Thundercracker making a grunting noise before looking away. "I'm tired of explaining Skywarp's ideas to other 'bots. It's your turn."

Starscream sputtered indignantly. "_Skywarp's _ideas?! You're the one who gave them the idea in the first place!"

Turning the blue seeker lowered his hands and placed them on his hips, his mouth turned down with anger. "Yeah well, how was I supposed to know that he would do it?" At Starscream's arched look Thundercracker sighed, lowering his arms in defeat. "Okay, yeah. It was stupid even for me." Then straightening, he glared at the air commander. "But I'm still not explaining!"

With a resigned sigh Starscream turned to Optimus, who merely shook his head while Jazz snickered. "Okay, here's the thing. _Someone_," The red and white seeker glared at Thundercracker, who refused to succumb to it and merely met the glare with one of his own. The red seeker snorted and continued, tapping his foot angrily. "Okay, someone gave Skywarp the brilliant idea to put on a play for his ducks. So most of us got roped into this… thing." With a small shudder Starscream looked down. "And it's Sleeping Beauty."

Jazz roared with laughter, lowering his gun as he doubled over. "Who's Sleeping Beauty? Starscream? And is the Prince you, Thundercracker?" At the two seeker's shocked and more than uncomfortable looks Jazz fell to the ground, snickering. Prowl looked down at his friend, his mouth drawing into a thin line.

"So why did you take Bluestreak?" The tactician asked, casually lifting a foot to none-too-gently nudge Jazz, who got to his feet, his body still shaking with mirth.

"Well, since Skywarp thought it would be a good idea to make us the main characters-" Thundercracker started, but was interrupted by an annoyed snort from the air commander.

"Why am I always the slagging femme? I'm a mech, slaggit!" Starscream stomped his foot onto the ground, kicking up dust. Thundercracker reached up and patted Starscream on the shoulder.

"It's just because you're the pretty one. That's all." Starscream shrugged off Thundercracker's arm and glared down his nose at the other seeker, who snickered and turned back to the Autobots. "Anyway, we needed to get shot." At the sight of three raised guns in his face the blue seeker gestured wildly, shaking his head rapidly until the weapons were lowered. "No, no! We needed to do it by the medbay so we could harass Hook by bleeding Energon on the floor."

The Autobots stared at the Decepticons, who shrugged. "What? We have to do some major harassing if we want to get repaired." Starscream muttered.

Prowl made the cybertronian equivalent of a cough and turned to Optimus, who was rubbing above his optic. Any more talk was interrupted however, by the sound of Bluestreak letting out a loud groan in his sleep. The Autobots and Decepticons each looked down at the gunner, who curled into a tighter ball and let out another groan.

"But Priiime, I cleaned my room! Can't you see? It's spotless."

Everyone was silent, five pairs of optics focussing on the little Datsun. Starscream looked up first, a tiny smirk playing on his lips as he caught the uncomfortable shift in the Autobot leader's body position. "You make them clean their rooms?"

Prowl answered for his leader, speaking sharply in an effort to defend his Prime. "Of course. Doesn't Megatron make you?"

Thundercracker and Starscream each glanced at each other, both remembering the times they had to walk into their leader's quarters and fearing for their very sparks in the risk that was the precarious stacks of data pads filled with diabolical plans and the countless broken shelving units that all seemed to wait for the most inopportune moments to come crashing down on the unsuspecting visitors of Megatron's room. In unison both seekers burst into laughter, their laughter turning louder at Prowl's confused look.

"As much as we enjoyed standing here, we really do need to be going." Thundercracker at last said, straightening and kicking his thrusters into gear and hovering in the air for Starscream, who soon followed after digging out a tiny (by cybertronian standards, of course) card and thrusting it into Optimus' hand.

"We need an excuse and giving you an invitation just seemed logical." Starscream shrugged and transformed, darting ahead of his trine mate and pulling off a masterful series of tricks in the air. Thundercracker watched, muttering something about 'no good effeminate slagging show-offs' before following, his departure a whole lot less dramatic of the two.

Optimus watched the two Decepticons fly off, the card dangling in his hand. After a moment he looked at it, growing ever so thankful of his face mask at the sight of Starscream in a dress, lying in a prone sleeping position with Thundercracker nearby. All the conscious Autobots in attendance could tell, simply from the facial expressions of the two seekers on the card, that they did not enjoy their current positions.

"We have to go, don't we sir." Prowl watched, his doorwings drooping ever so slightly at Optimus' slight nod. "Of course we do." With a resigned sigh he picked up Bluestreak's limp form and waited for Prime to transform and his trailer to appear before placing the limp gunner in the trailer, transforming himself afterwards and taking his position behind Optimus, Jazz following soon after.

--

Jazz sat in front of the computer screen, resting his chin in his hands as he looked up the Sleeping Beauty movie, a tiny smile on his face as he watched the cartoon film as it filled the screen. Reaching over for an energon cube he took a sip, his smile broadening.

His mind made up he closed the movie's window and with a few keystrokes had called the Decepticon base, sitting back as he waited for an answer. After a few moments Skywarp's face filled the screen, his smile broad and inviting. "Oh hello Jazz! What's up?"

Jazz returned his greeting, taking another sip of his energon. "Hey Skywarp, you wouldn't happen to have any parts open for Sleeping Beauty, would you?"

Skywarp paused for a moment, and then holding up his hand he ducked out of the camera's view. Jazz listened as Skywarp muttered to himself off-screen, and snickered at the sight of flying objects and stuffed toys as Skywarp searched for something.

With a triumphant cry Skywarp popped back to the computer screen, a battered script in his hand. Flipping to a page in the book he paused for a moment, a hand reaching to his mouth as he read.

"Well, we really need someone for the Queen, Merryweather, Flora, and Fauna." He paused and looked down the page, then snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah! I need the Prince's dad, too." Looking back at the screen he smiled at Jazz. "You interested in a part?"

Jazz nodded. "Yeah, I'll do whatever one you want." Sitting back the saboteur absently scratched the side of his head, waiting for the answer.

"Okay, if you could be Fauna, that'd be great!" With a broad smile Skywarp leaned forward and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Know anyone else who might be interested?"

Jazz grinned wickedly and downed the rest of his Energon, then shook his finger in Skywarp's direction. "Actually, I do have an idea."

--

Prowl was looking forward to a simple, quiet break in his room with an energon cube and the ever growing stack of reports.

Unfortunately, the Rec Room and its contents had other plans.

As Prowl walked into the doorway, he had to duck the wrench that had been flying straight for his face. Straightening he peeked into the room and met a sight that made his spark chill.

Jazz had flipped over the oversized couch and was ducking behind it, covering his head with his hands as he hid from the angry Ratchet, as the medic threw what seemed like wrench after wrench at the saboteur.

Ducking another wrench Prowl stepped into the room, his mouth turned down angrily. "What is going _on_?"

Ratchet paused briefly, narrowing his optics as Jazz peeked his head over the overturned couch. "Why don't you ask _him?" _He snarled, picking up another wrench and aiming it at Jazz's head, who yelped and ducked behind the couch again.

Prowl turned his head to glare at Jazz. "What did you do?"

Jazz coughed sheepishly and turned his head to one side. "Well, he's in that play Skywarp's doing now…"

Ratchet growled angrily and gripped yet another wrench in his hands. Prowl shook his head and gently knocked the saboteur in the back of his head. "Bad Jazz."

"Uh, what's going on?" Sideswipe asked, kicking away a few wrenches as he walked into the room. Sunstreaker followed his brother in, Tracks following close behind. Ratchet rounded on the three, his hand shaking slightly as he pointed at the tiny group.

"Congratulations, you three are in this play with me."

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker both blinked in unison. "Uh, what?" Sideswipe asked, Sunstreaker frowning behind him.

"Why should we have to suffer through some play because you say so?" Sunstreaker glared at the medic, who met his glare with one of his own, except, if possible, ten times as potent.

"Because if I have to suffer, you have to suffer."

Jazz chose this moment to scramble to his feet and dart out of the room. Ratchet snapped his head and gathered up a wrench, scrambling his way out of the room in an effort to follow the saboteur. "You are not getting out of this that easily!"

Prowl hung his head for a moment, massaging the side of his optics before gathering up an energon cube and resolving to leave the incident that had just occurred in the back of his processor.

--

… Yes. This felt like teeth pulling. My head hurts.


	7. Chapter 7

Okayso. Back! I'm not entirely proud of that last chapter. Anywho, delayed but I'll ask anyway: Opinions on TF2? Didja see it? Didja like it? WHEELIE WHY WHEELIE. I saw it when it first came out, not too happy with the movie but ridiculously gleeful about Sideswipe. Wish Sunstreaker were there. Sunny's my favoriiiiite. ; ;

Meteor Prime: Nooo! ;; I hope it gets fixed soon. :3 MWUAHAHAHAHA-- *Wrenched by Ratchet* D,:

Actually I would totally deserve getting wrenched by him if he saw this chapter. ;

DreamFeathers: To put it quite simply, if you don't enjoy it, don't read it. I understand this fic is not for everyone, and I do understand that Skywarp would not be the one to randomly adopt ducks. But please understand that it wasn't meant to make much sense. :3

Jossi-Kun: Optimus would hate my room. ; ;

Cadence Barrick: Oh you'll see. 3

Thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

--

"Remind me again why I have to do this." Ironhide muttered angrily as he shrugged on his costume.

Ratchet looked over, his mouth drawn into a thin, angry line as he jammed a feathered cap onto his head and stuck a long, outrageous looking moustache just under his nose. "Because if I have to suffer, you have to suffer."

Any reply or argument from Ironhide was interrupted with an angry howl from Sunstreaker. Both medic and security officer turned their heads in surprise as Sunstreaker, clad in a billowing black gown, stalked after his snickering twin, who's light blue wings fluttered as he hid behind the two older mechs. "Just think, Sunny Honey Bunny, I'm prettier than you!"

"Stop calling me that! And you most certainly are _not_!" Sunstreaker growled, picking up a Transformer-sized wig and throwing it at Sideswipe's head.

Unfortunately, the Lamborghini's aim just wasn't as good as Ratchet's, and he demonstrated so as the wig smacked the aforementioned medic in the face, causing the medic to stumble backwards into Tracks, who yelped in surprise and jumped atop one of the great dressing tables that adorned the back room they currently resided in an effort to dodge the medic's flailing arms.

As Ratchet landed, all Autobots in the room stopped and stared at the fallen medic, who's legs were splayed in a rather odd position. Ironhide let out a muffled snickering noise, and covering his mouth with his hands, turned away. His snickers were echoed by the twins and Tracks, who jumped off the table and smoothed out his dress.

Ratchet truly did make a silly sight. His puffy costume caused him to flail about on the floor like a turned over turtle and the medic let out a frustrated yell.

Jazz chose this moment to enter, followed by Optimus. The two were talking, their voices low and Jazz's muffled as he covered his mouth with his green clad hand. Both stopped at the sight of the flailing medic and the tiny Autobot group around him. Optimus Prime stopped, his hands raised above him as if he were going to speak. Then, as if thinking better of it, lowered his arm, clapped Jazz on the shoulder, and walked out of the room.

Skywarp flounced in soon after, clapping his hands with excitement. "Okay guys, two breems!" Then warped out of the room, leaving the Autobots to finish getting ready.

--

Optimus took his seat beside Prowl, who looked mercifully relaxed despite Bluestreak sitting beside him, chattering away happily to whomever would listen.

Mercifully his chatter was cut short by the dimming of lights and a spotlight focussing on Skywarp, who was sporting a feathered cap and an elegant robe. Clearing his vocal processors, Skywarp raised his hand with a flourish and took a deep bow, the cap slipping forward on his head slightly.

Then crossing the stage to the podium he once again cleared his vocal processor, and deepening his voice began to speak while the curtains opened, revealing a very grumpy looking Tracks, clinging to the arm of Soundwave.

"In a far away land, long ago, lived a king and his fair queen." At this Tracks straightened up ever so slightly, and a dismissive grunt could be heard from backstage.

Skywarp shot a glare over to the culprit and continued on, the stage transforming as it went. A large group of faceless 'bots were fabricated onto the stage, each singing in a deep voice and all sporting brightly coloured medieval human clothing.

From the audience Blaster shifted in his seat, his mouth dropping open as the scene unfolded and Skywarp continued to talk. ".. And good king Stefan and his Queen made welcome their lifelong friend."

Prowl snorted at the sight of Ratchet stomping onto stage, his frame entirely covered by flowing fabric and a large moustache upon his rather angry looking face. The tactician watched as the medic strode forward, and pasting on a smile that looked about ready to collapse at any second, enveloped Soundwave in a large hug.

For his part the Decepticon took it all stoically, returning the hug as briefly as he could before turning and forcing his attention down to Rumble, who was bundled up in the crib and muttering darkly to himself as Frenzy peered down on him, the red cassette's face twitching with the effort of hiding his smile.

"… And looked unknowing on his future bride."

Rumble looked stricken and Frenzy snapped his head up, both looking panicked as they each transmitted a single thought to their creator. "_But we're twins." _

Before Soundwave could transmit any sort of reply to deter his cassettes from thinking anything of the sort, the stage darkened and three lights, one blue, one red, and the other green began to whir around the stage and each focussed on three fairy looking 'bots.

Bluestreak's mouth dropped open and he clasped his hands over it, his legs drawing up to his chest as he worked to hold in his laughter. For floating down on reinforced wiring was Ironhide, clad in a red dress and looking entirely stormy, Jazz clad in green, and Sideswipe in blue. The three Autobots all twirled slowly to the ground, each flouncing over to the crib that held Rumble and all cooing over it.

The entirely frightened Rumble glanced sidelong at his twin, who was now stepping back to leave room for the three mechs. "_Red one is creeping me out, bro." _He transmitted and Frenzy craned his neck, noting Ironhide's angry looking face plastered with a tight smile and nodded rapidly.

The three Autobot fairies turned to Soundwave and Tracks, and Ironhide spoke first, his voice tight with anger. "Your majesties, each of us the child may bless with a single gift. No more, no less." Turning back to the cradle Ironhide smiled down at the cassette currently wrapped in a blanket. "Little princess, my gift shall be the gift of beauty." And with a wave of his sparkling wand Ironhide stepped back, letting Jazz in his green dress to take his place.

Jazz grinned down at the cradle, and waving his own wand, spoke. "Tiny princess, my gift shall be the gift of song." Letting the sparkles settle around him he stepped back, allowing Sideswipe to take his place.

Sideswipe too looked down at the cradle, before looking back at the other 'fairies' and then waving his wand. "Sweet princess, my gift shall be…"

But he was interrupted by a blow of wind and the bang of a door opening, and lightening and thunder crashed into the room as in a flash of smoke, Sunstreaker appeared in a black dress, Laserbeak perched on his arm.

Ironhide scooted forward, looking as frightened as he possibly could and pointing at the yellow Autobot. "Why, it's Maleficent!"

Sideswipe frowned, stomping forward to the front of the small group of fairies and glared at his twin. "What does _she _want here?" Jazz laid a hand on the red Lamborghini's arm, making a tiny shushing noise before pulling him back.

Sunstreaker stared regally around the room, his optics narrowing ever so slightly at the sight of Tracks before speaking. "Well, quite a glittering assemblage, King Stefan. Royalty, nobility, the gentry, and," Pausing he grinned wickedly at the three fairies. "Oh how _quaint, _even the rebel." He snickered as Sideswipe darted forward, making to punch him, but Ironhide pulled him back. Turning his attention back to the king and queen, Sunstreaker did his best to look upset. '"I really felt quite distressed of not receiving an invitation."

Sideswipe spoke up from behind Ironhide, his voice slightly muffled by the big officer's bulk. "You weren't wanted!"

Sunstreaker did his best to looks stricken, drawing his hand to his black-clad chest and his optics widening imperceptibly. "Not wa…? Oh dear, wha an awkward situation. I had hoped it was merely due to some oversight. Well, in that even I'd best be on my way." Turning slightly, he stopped and eyed Tracks slightly, his mouth drawing to a thin line and Tracks smirked.

"And you're not offended, your excellency?" He muttered, working to keep his voice high pitched and feminine.

"Why no, your majesty. And to show I bear no ill will, I too shall bestow a gift on the child." He lightly pushed away the three Autobot 'fairies' and stood over the cradle, staring down at the casseticon currently wrapped up in a fuzzy pink blanket. Raising his arms menacingly above his head, his voice raising in pitch. "Listen well, all of you. The princess shall indeedgrow in grace and beauty, beloved by all who know her. But, before the sun sets on her sixteenth birthday, she shall prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die."

Letting out a small cry Tracks bent down and picked up Rumble, Soundwave stepping in front of his 'queen', shouting in his monotonous voice for guards.

With a loud cackle Sunstreaker raised his arms again and disappeared in a bright flash of neon green smoke and flames.

From the audience, Bluestreak watched open mouthed as Sideswipe skipped forward and with obvious relish began to chant a spell to help ward off his brother's. Leaning to the side, lowering his voice ever so little, he whispered to Prowl. "Sunstreaker playing the evil witch is certainly quite suiting, isn't it?"

A small smile playing on Prowl's lips, the tactician agreed, bringing a finger to his mouth to silence the gunner.

The Tactician was enjoying the entire idea of the mechs that caused him the most trouble all up on stage, performing a human play based upon some fantasy. Focussing on Ironhide's stormy face as he and the other Autobot 'fairies' fluttered off into the back of the stage, and listened as Skywarp continued his narration.

Soon Prowl could see the three 'fairies' again, each running out of what looked like a darkened castle, a bundled up Rumble in Ironhide's arms. From Rumble's barely visible facial expression the tactician could see that the casseticon was afraid, and the tactician certainly couldn't blame him from Ironhide's increasingly angry face.

Behind them, up on a balcony at the back of the stage was Soundwave and Tracks, the two mechs hugging each other with clear distaste on their features.

Bluestreak squirmed beside Prowl, and the tactician turned his head to see the younger Datsun with both his hands clapped over his mouth in an effort to keep his laughter silent. This was less successful with Smokescreen, who was leaning forward at the sight and with Optimus, whose massive form was shaking uncontrollably.

Settling back, Prowl continued to watch the play, his optics glinting with amusement.

--

… I don't even know. This'll be in three parts, and then I'll probably be finished this play.


	8. Chapter 8

I have no good excuse for why this took so long. D;

Meteor Prime: Wheeee! Internet returned! I know how you mean 'bout being bored. :x But… I like Wheelie rhyming… ; ; (I like the annoying ones, I can't help it.) I actually didn't mind Skids and Mudflap all that much until I found out they replaced Sunny. And then the hate began.

Stripysockz: Jazz and 'Warp have their ways. Possibly something to do with Christmas pictures. Or something. Actually, I don't even know. But think, do you _really _want to know? ;3

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I can just hang up posters and play with toys. They took over. Nor do I own Sleeping Beauty.

--

"Many sad and lonely years passed for King Stefan and his people, but as But as the time But as the time for the princesses sixteenth birthday drew near, the entire kingdom began to rejoice. For everyone knew that as long as Maleficent's domain, the forbidden mountains, thundered with her wrath and frustration, her evil prophecy had not yet been fulfilled."

Blitzwing watched, his processor unable to decide between the horror and amusement of the situation, and began to wish for three faces just to rotate between different emotions at a time. Beside him, Dead End was having a similar reaction, except the Stunticon had a vague twitch, much like that white Autobot police car seemed to obtain.

As the two Decepticons began to focus on the play, both wondered why they were there and _certainly _hoping for some energon to aid in their forgetting of this entire incident.

Back on stage, Sunstreaker sat on the elaborate chair that had been constructed to look like Maleficent's, the Lamborghini resting his head on his clenched hand, looking entirely bored as the three Decepticons, Spectro, Spyglass, and Viewfinder, stood hunched in grotesque costumes, all three of them hopping about Sunstreaker's feet while Laserbeak soared overhead before landing on the back of Sunstreaker's chair.

Sunstreaker arched his back and leaned forward slightly, propping his chin in his hands as he stared at the three Decepticons. "It's incredible, sixteen years and not a trace of her! She couldn't have vanished into thin air. Are you sure you searched everywhere?"

"Yeah, yeah, everywhere, we all…" Spectro piped up.

Spyglass nodded rapidly, agreeing with Spectro.

Sunstreaker stared at them with suspicion. "But what about the towns, forests, and the mountains?"

Viewfinder nodded, counting on his fingers as he recited where they had searched. "We searched the mountains, forests, and houses, and…" He paused before continuing, nodding happily. "And let me see, in all the cradles!"

Sunstreaker's optics flashed angrily. "Cradle?"

"Yeah, every cradle."

"Cradle?" Turning to Laserbeak, Sunstreaker's voice grew in pitch, chuckling as he spoke. "Did you hear that, my pet? All these years, they've been looking for a baby!" As the servants laughed with him Sunstreaker stood up, roaring angrily. "Fools! Idiots! Imbeciles!" Driving them away he slumped back on his chair, turning to Laserbeak and absently petting the cassette's back.

"They're a disgrace to the forces of evil." Focusing his entire attention on the cassette his lips curled into a malicious smile. "My pet, you are my last hope. Circle far and wide, search for a maid of sixteen with hair of sunshine gold and lips red as the rose. Go, and do not fail me." He watched as Laserbeak took to the air and the stage darkened, setting up for the next scene.

The stage brightened and Sunstreaker was gone, and was replaced instead with the inside of a cottage, where Ironhide, Sideswipe, and Jazz were all standing in a huddled circle, Jazz ducking as Ironhide's hand nearly connected with his head as the officer stretched in his dress.

"We'll make it _blue!_" Sideswipe argued with Ironhide, who shook his head angrily.

"No, no. We'll make it pink."

Now, Optimus was growing used to the entire play and his Security officer and Saboteur wearing a dress, but even he choked dryly in surprise when Ironhide had uttered the phrase. Ironhide? Pink?

But he _hated _the colour.

Before anyone in attendance could ponder that statement and the thunderous look Ironhide took, both Autobots and Decepticons in attendance gasped in surprise as the stage dimmed and Starscream made his way down the makeshift steps, clad in a rather plain looking dress and looking clearly uncomfortable.

"Oh, my…" Motormaster snorted into his hand and gently knocked Wildrider in the elbow, who began to snicker at the sight of the Aerial commander in a dress.

Starscream clearly wanted to say something about his predicament, and he cast angry glances at Skywarp from the corner of his optic as he plastered on a shaky smile and waved to the three Autobots. "And what are you _dears_ up to?" He hissed out through clenched dental plating, watching as the three Autobots straightened nervously.

"Oh, Briar Rose!" Jazz worked to look stricken with guilt, but his shaky shoulders and broad smile said otherwise.

Sideswipe snatched up an empty basket from the table nearby and thrust it into Starscream's hands. "We want you to pick some berries."

With a raise of his optic ridge Starscream folded his arms across his chest, smirking at the three 'fairies.' "Berries?"

Jazz nodded and began to push the seeker toward the door. "Lots of berries."

Starscream dug his feet into the floor and spun around. "But I picked berries yesterday."

Ironhide took over pushing Starscream out the door. "Oh, we need more, dear." As Starscream stumbled outside, the security officer called out to the seeker once again, the other two echoing words of instructions as the aerial commander strode away.

"Now don't hurry back, dear."

"And don't go to far!"

"And don't talk to strangers!"

"Like anything could get stranger than this." Starscream muttered under his breath as the scene changed around him and he began to skip, casting an angry look at Skywarp as he did. The purple and black seeker did nothing but wave happily and continue to look down at his script, pointedly ignoring the savage glare.

As Starscream walked about the forest, he began to play a recording, sounding almost like it came directly from the movie itself as he began to skip, absentmindedly twirling the basket in his hands.

"That's because his actual singing would make all the windshields break." Motormaster lowered his voice a few pitches and leaned to the side, whispering conspiratorially to Wildrider who muffled a snicker.

And both Stunticons grew silent with a mixture of shock and horror as the Insecticons, all three of them clad in fuzzy animal costumes, accompanied by Rumble and Frenzy and Ravage, all equally clad in fuzzy pink bunny and owl costumes, respectively, and began to dance around Starscream, who by now look decisively panicked as he stared at the smaller Decepticons around him.

On the other side of the stage Thundercracker emerged, seated rather uncomfortably on the back of Astrotrain's form, a white horse head stuck rather messily on the front of the triple changer and a bushy broom tail stuck in the back.

This brought snorts of laughter from all Transformers in the audience, and Autobots and Decepticons alike settled forward in their seats with amusement.

Gritting his dental plating together Thundercracker cocked his head as if listening to the song, then leaned forward near the 'trusty steeds' head. "What is that? It's beautiful! We must go check it out."

From the audience, the simple sight of Thundercracker, dressed in a half-cocked hat with a feather stuck haphazardly onto it, and rather odd looking garb persuading a large purple locomotive with a horse head, cause more than a few snorts of laughter.

Prowl;s helm was smoking, and Bluestreak was curled up so tightly, his body shaking with laughter at the sight. Even Skywarp had the tiniest of smiles on his face, which he quickly masked by clearing his vocal processor and continuing to watch the play from the sidelines.

Focussing their attention back to Starscream, who was still 'singing,' they saw him perched on an oversized tree trunk, a flower twirling about in his hands as he stared at the insecticons before him.

Thundercracker stood off to the side of the stage and watched as Starscream chatted away with the 'animals', several of the insecticons bounding off to acquire bits of Thundercracker's costume. A small smirk played on his lips as Starscream began to dance with the now assembled 'human.' "He's never getting his dignity back from this…" he muttered softly, before taking his cue on stage.

As he cycled through the play's script and the movie in itself on stage, Thundercracker grew more horrified as he went through the actions and began to dance with Starscream, who looked equally as horrified as their bodies went through the motions as per the script and movie.

Motormaster stared, his mouth open as the two seekers interacted, and began to film the proceeding 'romantic encounter' as humans would put it, for a playback and cutting and pasting to form something entirely different later.

Up on stage, Thundercracker made his way off stage, and hidden away from the view of the audience began to bang his head repeatedly against the wall, his head thunking dully against the building's wall.

It would seem his own dignity would not be intact after this.

--

… I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. D:

I'm lazy, tired, workin' and stuff and those really aren't all that good of excuses. ; Anywho, got my ffxi back up again and this has made me happy. :D

I'll try to be faster next time with my update. ; ;


	9. Chapter 9

Okay so that was a lie. I was no faster, was I? Considering… The last time I updated was what, October? And it's January now?

Stripysockz: OMNOMNOM REVIEWS. Of course he's enjoying his attention, it's Sunstreaker~ D

Starfire201: Megatron would agree. Fully.

Meteor Prime: HECKYES I'm back! I'm sorry; I'm a naturally lazy person. And of course he likes pink. Annnd if he saw this I'd be gone.

Thanks for the reviews~

Disclaimer: Do not own~

--

Starscream stared at the spinning wheel in front of him, his optics widening slightly as he gazed at the sharp point of the needle before him. To the right of him, off stage, Thundercracker tapped his foot impatiently while Skywarp urged the aerial commander on as subtly as he could.

But Starscream wouldn't do it. In front of him, Sunstreaker rolled his optics with annoyance and tapped his foot impatiently; placing a hand on his hip and turning his great head to the side as he waited.

But still, Starscream wouldn't do it.

As murmurings from the audience began Starscream whirled around, and with a shaking hand he pointed at the great needle of the spinning needle. "I'm not touching that." He warned, glaring directly at Skywarp who hung his head with exasperation.

"But it's part of the play, Starscream!" He yelled back to his commander, who folded his arms across his chest and glared at the purple and black counterpart.

"I don't care, I'm not touching it."

Sunstreaker snorted, lowering a hand to brush at his black garment. "Don't tell me you're afraid of needles."

Starscream turned around, his upper lip curling as he regarded the Autobot. "And what if I am?"

Sunstreaker shrugged, wincing as the fabric dug into his shoulder joints uncomfortably. "Well, I guess I'll have to do this then."

Starscream arched his optic ridge, his smirk broadening as he stared directly at the Autobot. "Do what?"

Sunstreaker's robed arm flew out, grasping the Decepticon's hand in a tight grip. Starscream's optics flashed with panic and he let out a loud yelp as Sunstreaker pulled the air commander's hand down, and pressing the tip of the Decepticon's digit onto the tip of the needle.

Everyone was silent; Starscream's face was the picture of horror as he stared at his finger, the needle, and finally Sunstreaker, who merely shrugged and let go of the hand.

Staggering back Starscream let out a tiny whimper; then, with a whir of failing mechanics and quite possibly panic the air commander dropped to the floor in a dead faint.

From the sidelines, Thundercracker watched, his left optic twitching as his commander dropped to the ground. Then, briefly emerging from his position at the side he pointed sarcastically to the prone form, his mouth twisting into a sneer. "My commander, femmes and mechs." At Skywarp's glare Thundercracker returned to his spot, shaking his head sorrowfully and muttering about mechs who offlined themselves.

Sunstreaker looked down at Starscream's prone body, finding himself indignant to the fact that the aerial commander hadn't even been able to faint on the bed that he was supposed to position himself on. With a resigned sigh he picked up Starscream's legs and pulled him none too gently to the bed, smirking when the Decepticon's head knocked against the spinning wheel. Then, with a heave he deposited the Decepticon on the bed, taking care to tuck him in before stepping onto the stage's trap door, disappearing in a cloud of green smoke.

The stage went dark momentarily and the audience could just barely see the group of other 'bots, their frames blackened, moved about the scene, changing it quickly before the lights brightened again to reveal Thundercracker on stage, accompanied by a now positively murderous looking Ironhide with a snickering Sideswipe and a smiling Jazz.

Thundercracker, armed with a hastily painted sword and shield, stood before Sunstreaker, who looked as thunderous as ever in his role. Raising his hands the yellow Autobot screeched, "Now you shall deal with me, old prince, and with the powers of hell!" And with that a large cloud of hazy green smoke bubbled over the stage and into the audience, where anyone in the front row (Minus the ducks of course, they seemed to be enjoying the entire ordeal from what anyone could gather) raised their feet almost disgustedly.

Optimus raised an optic ridge and turned to Prowl, who, throughout the play, had seemed to be sinking lower and lower in his seat, until finally his head was resting in his hands and his doorwings drooping so far, they seemed to meld into his back entirely. "Do you think Smokescreen was involved?" He asked, hoping to distract Prowl's no doubt aching processor.

"I don't know. I don't care. I just want to go back to the Ark, where it's nice and safe and _logical._" Prowl moaned and lowered himself even further, and Optimus couldn't help but wonder if maybe the tactician was hoping that the floor would swallow him up and take him far, far away from here. As he pondered, his head turning back to focus on the play, he wondered if he might follow.

And then it occurred to him. Where was Megatron? He hadn't seen him anywhere, and the thought crossed his mind, now, that maybe this was an elaborate trap sprung by the leader of the Decepticons to lure them into a safe area, and then pick them off. He cast a wary glance to the Decepticons across the row from him, and he narrowed his optics as he searched for the Decepticon leader. It wouldn't have been his worst plan, considering Megatron's half-cocked plans in the past were, if anything, inventive. Like that giant purple griffin. That was when he knew that Megatron was well and truly out of most of his ideas.

He wasn't, however, expecting Megatron's massive form to appear on stage as the smoke cleared. He looked miserable, for upon his head was stuck a giant cardboard dragon's head, painted black with a mouth stuck open wide, with little white pieces glued in to form teeth. Taped to his back were stubby little wings, and on his hands and feet were booties and mittens, also painted to match the dragon's colour scheme. Thundercracker let out an involuntary snort and had to cover his mouth with his hands and turn away.

The audience let out a collective gasp and Optimus lowered himself in his seat, on his way to imitate Prowl, who was now practically on the floor. "This is my enemy. This is who I have been at war with, all this time." He sighed, rubbing his face plate before once again looking at the stage.

Megatron heaved a great sigh before turning to look at the audience, the outrageous dragon head wobbling as he moved. "Roar." He said, almost miserably before turning back to Thundercracker, who had erupted in another fit of laughter. Behind him the three fairies were all snorting with laughter, Ironhide in particular having to lower himself to his knees, he was laughing so hard.

Then Megatron pinged a message to each of their heads, his message loud and clear though the menace behind was lowered considerably due to his get up. _"I will kill him. I will kill you. Especially if you do not stop laughing right this minute." _

Thundercracker, for his part, managed to stop laughing long enough to clumsily, with the aid of the three fairies, plunge his sword into the arm of Megatron, who took it angrily, made strange gurgling noises, and promptly fell to the ground, where he was gently lowered through a trap door.

Then Thundercracker was off, racing up makeshift steps and up to were Starscream lay, still unconscious from the needle pricking from before. Here, Thundercracker froze, and he cast a warning glance to Skywarp who merely shrugged and waved for him to continue on.

With an angry sigh Thundercracker lowered his face close to Starscream's, and hesitated once more before planting an angry kiss on his superior's cheek.

Unfortunately (Although fortunate for the play) Starscream chose this very moment to wake up, and with an angry screech raised a hand and brought it to hit Thundercracker's face, who reeled backwards and landed on the ground. "It was part of the play, you fragger!" Thundercracker yelled, his hand on his stinging cheek.

All at once Starscream looked around him, his optics widening as he took in the audience. Then with another screech he jumped from his bed, running off stage with Thundercracker following him with loud, angry stomps.

The stage darkened again and the Autobots took to talking to themselves, Bluestreak erupting into a fit of giggles until he was silenced with a stern look by Prowl, only to start up another fit when Wheeljack made a comment about Starscream and the sounds he made.

By the time they'd quieted down again they were shocked to see Ratchet on stage, a large fluffy moustache pasted on his face, and a large costume with several pillows shoved in to assume the role of a large stomach. He was glowering angrily as Starscream gave him a grudging hug, before being tugged away by a stone-faced Thundercracker to dance.

"What are you doing? Starscream hissed angrily as he was spun around in what he soon determined to be a waltz.

"If we just finish this fragging thing, we can go back home and never speak of it again." Thundercracker hissed back as he danced with his superior, working hard to ignore the dress that was now changing colours from pink to blue and back again.

And then the curtains dropped. It was all silent momentarily until Autobots and Decepticons alike erupted into a loud round of clapping, and the curtains rose again to reveal the entire cast, each taking reluctant bows to their audience.

Skywarp looked especially pleased and he gathered up his ducks, which were quacking and flapping their wings about them, and carrying them up with him to the stage he took a bow himself, placing the ducks on stage before him.

"Can I go home now?" Prowl asked from the audience and Optimus made a sideways glance, smiling under his faceplate.

"Not until we can all file out on our own."

"Did I ever tell you how cruel you are?" Prowl said in reply, his mouth twisting into a frown as he stared at his leader.

"No, but I'm sure it'll become a regular saying." Optimus shrugged and leaned back, watching as the curtains dropped again and standing as everyone else did, Prowl a little too quickly. He watched as his tactician sped off through the crowds, ducking and weaving through arms and legs before making his way outside before undoubtedly speeding his way home.

--

Shorter than the rest. Next one has to do with ice and cardboard boxes. And Skyfire. I think. Or something else entirely, I dunno yet. D: I'm never doing a play again. I don't think, anyway.


End file.
